MiLLiE's Melodramatic Mada-Mada

Shiny Yellow Plastic Rendition of a Baby Water Fowl

here is something I found recently that made me smile:

INSTALLING LOVE

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running ?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However,you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error -Program not run on external components " What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running.
One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you

posted by millie @ 11:48 AM 3 comments

singin' in the rain

Now this intrigues me: singin' in the rain, new style. You'll want to right-click and save as with this one.

Discussion questions! Is it A) clever B) an insult to cultural history?

posted by millie @ 4:37 PM 2 comments

don't think you can sway me
I haven't decided or not whether to start posting again. Though the thought that what I say may make me closer to Hannah and random strangers who don't leave their names is a nice thing.

I wish I could influence more random strangers. Not in a creepy, religious cult kind of way (though if you feel like giving me all your stuff and working in a commune that's fine too). I want to write love letters and warnings and advice and litter the world with them. Positive litter! It's an anti-crime. Though I've never actually written a love letter come to think of it. I have to say that Shakespearian sonnets have never really done it for me either. There's only one I have ever read that I liked, and I can't for the life of me remember it - which is I guess what love is like after the fact, because what in the world did you ever see in them in the first place?

What would I write in a love letter designed for a stranger? Maybe something like "I like the way you always smile past me in public, like you don't even know I love you." I bet whoever picked that one up would look closer at people as they went past.

posted by millie @ 11:26 PM 2 comments

it's not how much you put out, it's how much you can fit in

Well, I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to keep blogging for... or even if anyone is even reading this thing anymore. But instead of giving up completely like some people I know, I've decided to leave this post up with a brilliant collection of links!
I've been collecting these babies for a while, and do want to share them with the world. Some I may have put up before - either I've forgotten that I have or I think it's worthy of a re-run.

media/interactive links
collection of interesting advertisments
people who converse in design - a conversation of images
EatPES - stop motion animation
experimental gameplay - as the name says. Check it out
playboy centrefolds averaged out over each decade
musical machine
post secret
movies re-enacted by bunnies
make a mr. men character
songs to wear pants to

randoms
smart bitches, trashy novels
corset piercings
cyborg name generator
save toby!

Well, that's what I've got sitting in my favourites folder at the mo. I may or may not be back. Hopefully the above will entertain you for a while.

posted by millie @ 11:14 PM 3 comments

just say no
So, I've bit the bullet and started my winter course. I was on the verge of dropping it, but I thought i might as well get the damn thing out of the way. Luckily, I was looking at the groupwork component and Clairie and I are in the same group! Which is pretty damn lucky given there are 70 groups. Flicking through the rest of them though shows me about a 4% ratio of European last names, which leads me to hope that the rest of these people doing the course actually can read English. Given our university's current viewpoint on "you money? we learn you" I have some doubts. Especially when even I start to glaze over within 2 minutes of starting to read these lame modules.

My cousins are moving, which sucks so much anus it could go into the prostrate examination business. I've also backed out of the SBS student voting doco, for a myriad of reasons, but unfortunately this puts me in the horrible position of possibly having the kindergarten teacher as a tutor next session. Actually, my subjects next session look shocking: I think I may have just pulled off my scholastic goal average for this session but I doubt it for next semester. Though I went to a family friend's birthday 'do yesterday, and it turns out we're family friends with friends of Andrew Murphie... unfortunately they tell me the guy has integrity, so I doubt I'm going to get any marks out of it :(

time wasters are fun: constellations

posted by millie @ 12:20 AM 0 comments

respirator, here I come
You know, sometimes I wish I was in a coma. I could handle the amount of responsibility that comes with being in a coma. You see, the coma is the happy opposite of the paper cut.

Wait! Let me explain...

The problem with paper cuts is that the damage they cause is disproportional to the pain they cause. I mean, those little fuckers hurt like hell. But if you cry and stomp and thrash about from a paper cut, write biographies called "The Paper Cut: A Survivor's Story" no one takes you seriously and you will be named a wuss for all time.
Coma's are similarly disproportionate... only in the way I LIKE. I mean face it: if you're in a coma it means in you're in a pretty serious state. It means that your local florist really knows your name because he or she has done nothing but sell flowers to your distraught friends and relatives. But AT THE SAME TIME... you can't feel a thing. Sweet sweet oblivious sleep, surrounded by the soothing lullaby of hisses and beeps.
There is of course always the danger that your grieving relatives killing you by unplugging your respirator, but as I am not rich and I have no children with gambling problems, I am willing to take that risk.
Plus, you get to either dream what you want to dream or subconsciously tune in to whatever it is that's going on around you. Just get the nurse to play your favourite TV show "to bring you back" and have people talking to you all the time about how much they care. And it doesn't even matter if you reply or not: total brilliance!
Plus, a coma is right behind amnesia and consumption on the list of romantic/dramatic diseases accessable only to historical wenches and modern day soap operas. I mean, who wants something crappy like bowel cancer (no pun intended) when you can have something that is pale, wan and full of appropriate moments to put one's arm across one's forehead (note to self: ask nurse to arrange one's comatose arm across one's comatose forehead)

In other words, next time I'm out driving, I'm looking out for that tree of fortune that bears the fruit of my coma of gold. I expect flowers... and I'm subconsciously hearing everything you say...

a link for you: pruno - how to make your own prison alcohol

posted by millie @ 1:49 PM 2 comments

you're rolling in it
At what point does the responsibility transfer from parent to child?

My brother is incapable of shopping. Mum asked him to go and he wants me to come with him, because he is freaked at getting it wrong: "if you write 'potato' on the list I will get one potato. Give me exact numbers." This is because he is as obsessive-compulsive as one can be without being institutionalised. Unfortunately he isn't a neat freak, because I could deal with the crazies as long as someone else did the washing up.

Also, we are related. And when I get finicky with cheese (you have to slice it evenly - it's an exact technique) or colour-coded timetables I just have to wonder... how close am I to that true level of craziness?

link of the day: medieval music

posted by millie @ 5:01 PM 0 comments